i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
