yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
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