im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
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