Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
