just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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