mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
