I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I need to sanitize my soul.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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