I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
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