i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
