2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
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