Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
