I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
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