So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
