he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
These tits shall not be calmed
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
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