yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Randomize
