Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
