I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
