remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize
