our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
