I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
