There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
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