wrigley field is MILF paradise
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
