The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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