well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
