if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
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