The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
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