Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
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