After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
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