kristin has been a bad kristin
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Randomize
