The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
