how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
