It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
