Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Im part way to drunk.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
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