Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
