Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
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i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
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