Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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