never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
no you cant smoke seaweed
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Randomize
