I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
where are you?
Hypothermia
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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