i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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