Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
he high fived his dick after we had sex
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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