No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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