Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.�
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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