i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Randomize
