How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
