I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
