No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
