I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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