He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
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