So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I need a beard to bite.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
