Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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