You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
